Bittersweet

As I sit here late night on Dec. 26th 2015, I am filled with joy and sadness at the same time. The joy is easy to pinpoint. My family was together once again for Christmas this year. I cannot even begin to describe how much it fills my heart to have them all around me. My wife, two kids and my step-father are the constant light the brings me in to shore, if you will. My kids are getting older now ( 20 and 16 ), and Christmas day is still great, just different. I don't have to describe the joy one goes through when the kids are young. Getting ready for Santa, not being on the naughty list, sitting on Santa's lap for a picture and the general excitement of trying to get to bed in anticipation. Christmas mornings are even different. They used to try and drag our butts out of bed at 5:30 in the morning so they could see what Santa bought them to now us trying to wake the kids up. We had finally got them trained to make coffee for us in the morning just in time for them to be the ones that need to be woken up.  Once the "festivities" begin, the same smiles are there. They look a little older now but you can still see the little angel smiles you long to see yearly. They are now old enough to buy you presents and the joy you see in them when you open and love the present they have chosen for you is loved is a welcomed change.
       The sadness is not so easy to pinpoint. I will try to put it into words. For me, time is passing too fast. I can honestly say that I have enjoyed every second of married life with my best friend and raising two beautiful children with her. I miss all the "little moments" the kids go through growing up. I don't hesitate telling anyone that will fake listening, to enjoy every second. It's a damn cliche but it is so true. I know that those times are gone. They will not return. This brings me a burning sadness that I have to deal with internally ( until now ). The upside is, there are new experiences on the horizon. This is the only thought that keeps my head up. The one thing I can say for sure, I have learned to experience every second I get to spend with my family with a burning love. Sometimes they will catch me just staring at them. When I try to explain, only sloppy words of a sentimental old man come out. That's ok. If that's the worst thing my family sees in me, that's good. Until next time. Be blessed my friends.


"Savor the day"

Hello again

Once again, it's been a long time since I've posted here. As I type this I am tarting my 2015 vacation and preparing for our family Christmas. My son is coming home from university in a week or so. The transition over the past year and a half has been tough. We all miss him here at home. My daughter is growing up before our very eyes. It is beautiful and inspiring to see. As much as I want her to stay my little girl, I love seeing her become a confident young woman. I'll wrap it up for now. We'll talk soon.

"Savor the day"

It's a long road ahead

As the years have gone by, there have been many times I have asked myself what qualifies me to be a parent. More to the point, AM I qualified to be a parent. I grew up with a hard working but mostly absent and emotionally distant mother. My parents split when I was 4 years old and (as the often heard sad story goes), saw my father sporadically. This creeps into my mind now and then when I question myself as a parent. To be honest, questioning myself happened quite a bit during the early years of my children's lives and now that they are 16 & 12 years old, it happens not as much. This past week I found myself ( and when I refer to myself in this blog when it comes to parenting, I mean with my wife as well ) having to be the stern and serious parent with my son. It is not something I do very often and I hate when I have to. I always come away from those conversations with an aching knot in my stomach. This blog was set up merely to talk about being a parent day in and day out, but I find myself wanting to write about my experiences growing up and how it affects me today. I know a lot of people question themselves when it comes to being a parent and that is good. As far as I know there is no guide book telling us what to do. The saying is true, You need to get a license to drive but not to be a parent. This is what keeps me up at night sometimes worrying about the decisions I make that are directly affecting the lives of 2 human beings. What gives me the right?...after all, the only thing I did to become a parent was buy the wine, buy the dinner, throw a few smooth lines her way ( right....) and ....well you know how the next 30 seconds go for a guy. This hardly qualifies me to be a parent. People tell us we are doing an incredible job of raising our kids and that makes me proud. I worry constantly about the future. It is something I try to dismiss as soon as it enters my cranium but it's not easy. It's a long road ahead.....I hope.

"Savor the day"

That "Monday" feeling.

I suppose everybody feels the "Monday blahs" to some extent but never sit and think why. I can only speak for me because I only speak for everyone when they give me permission. In our family, weekends are a celebratory time. Movie nights, swimming, daiquiris ( alcoholic and not ) , day trips and just an all around fun time. I actually go out of my way to be goofy, zany and immature during these times. It makes my family laugh. When they laugh, I am in my happy place. Monday always seems to be "the end" of those times. It's funny how the beginning of a week is really the end to something else. As I sit here typing this, my family is still asleep and not feeling the Monday blahs. The only saving thought is that the next weekend is only 5 days away.

"Savor the day"

Nights that should never end

Last night we all went up to our favorite place to take in the sunset. I cannot even begin to describe how therapeutic and soul calming these trips are to me. I guess growing up an only child and not really knowing any family I have learned to cherish these moments even more. Each and every time we go on one of our "little day trips" we have endless laughs, hugs and all around fun. Last night was no exception. We have been going up to Sunset Point for quite a few years now and watching the kids grow up in the pictures brings me joy and sadness at the same time. Joy for an obvious reason but sadness because I know one day it will end. This is the very thought that makes me cherish each and every second. For now, I am all smiles.

P.S.  "And that's why I drink heavily on the weekend."

A Parent's pride

So it's been almost forever since I have posted here. I think I will make an effort to post here regularly. I don't know what i expect from this blog or that anyone will be interested but we will see. I wish to share a proud moment for me as a parent. Recently my 16 year old son made a decision to stand up to racism, homophobia and a general bad moral situation. for a 16 year old athlete to stand up for something he believes in and walk away from this type of situation is huge. It's easy for an adult to say this is the right decision but at the age of 16 it is tough to see. At the moment my son made this decision, I felt an immense sense of pride.

The Start?

I would like to issue a welcome to anyone who happens to find their way here. I am starting this blog for no reason other than to put my daily ( and I use the word daily loosely ) feelings, fears, excitement, pride and general feelings that I have being a father and husband. This blog will include my feelings, fears and possibly questions related to my day to day happenings. I will also be including pictures as my hobby and passion is photography. Thank you all for reading and or joining in with my.

                                                                                                         Be Blessed. Chris.